Fears that Have Delayed Me Long Enough

"Why am I scared to write this?" She asks her quiet office. "No one is going to read this anyway..."

Anne Rohr

10/31/2024

“No one is going to read this anyway.” --a source of relief and, ironically, more panic.

I am a self described writer who hardly ever writes. What can I say that hasn’t already been said? Crafting engaging content at the level of today’s standards (not to mention what AI can come up with) is scaryyyy.

To give myself some credit, my Notes app, morning pages, and texts to loved ones are full of bangers. But out here in the wild, wild, web, the idea of showing up with something I’ve written, as if it is even slightly clever or relevant, is immediately embarrassing.

In addition to being a writer, I would also describe myself as a quiet person and a good listener.

In a room full of talkative people, if I don’t create space for myself, my two cents often does not get added. People will typically carry on, taking my silence as a sign that I have nothing to say.

This is far from the truth. I may not be loud, but my inner world certainly is. It’s just, I am highly protective of my thoughts and feelings, so I don’t trust many people with them.

I fear they will be misconstrued, interrupted, or simply fade into the background. The longer I stay quiet and don’t add to the noise, the easier it is for me to believe I'm avoiding unnecessary conflict. It may be safe, but it is also isolating. No one should feel like what they have to say doesn’t matter.

And yet, the question “what if?” lingers.

What if I should actually do this? What if my perspective helps someone see their own struggle differently? What would showing up and making connections feel like?What if I am holding myself back?

In time, the fear of never writing has become bigger than actually doing it.

So while my fears are still very present, I’m taking my agency back. It’s time to call out these fears and let them know why they are no longer in charge!!

In little to no particular order, here we go!

Fear: What I have to say does not matter, and will only add to the noise.

Fear: I am not an expert in anything, nor do I feel qualified to talk on most topics.

“WhY aRe YoUuu out here taking up space incorrectly?,” the imaginary critics shout at me. “You’re a fraud.”

I am not a pioneer, but I also do not wish to be a gatekeeper. I recognize that I am where I am from a combination of others’ examples and my own persistence.

I do not need to be the first one or an expert to share my experiences as an effort to empower others to do the same.

Fear: Okay, but even if I did start writing it wouldn’t matter because I won't keep it up.

Timers!!

No, not the evil people out there looking at their own timeline telling you that you’re running out of time. I’m talking about real timers you can find on your phone, laptop, oven—wherever.

Unlike writing, I’ve built a habit of working out most days. I’m a huge fan of YouTube workouts (Sydney Cummings being my go-to trainer). I appreciate knowing exactly how much time and to what I’m committing to. That makes it easier to show up and give my best effort, even on days when I don’t feel like it.

So similarly when my writing anxiety creeps in, I ask myself the same question:How much time am I willing to dedicate to this today?

The answer changes daily, but committing to even 15 minutes can make a difference. More often than not, it’s enough to get the ball rolling!

"But Anne, what keeps you from sitting down and leaving after two minutes??"

Timers.

Fear: Your writing sounds bad. People will either start reading and leave, or just skip over it entirely.

I don’t have much of a solution to this one yet.

There are endless ways, wonderful and terrible, that people can choose to spend their attention to these days. I cannot take it too personally people do not choose to stay.

Obviously I want to resonate with people, but making that a main focus would only feed these fears I’m trying to get past. So!! First and foremost, I am going to make sure that I am happy with my writing. That way, when I hit publish I will be satisfied no matter what.

In wrapping up these intrusive thoughts, the prevailing one that I want to linger is that writing and sharing is scary, but to avoid it all together is the scariest of all. Here's to taking on the thoughts that try to stop us!

See you next Thursday 💛

Anne

Ps, If you’re still here, thank you for proving me wrong that nobody cares.

I need to remember that my insights and way of looking at things are strengths. It’s okay that I take my time and selectively share, as long as I eventually do.

The other side of this is knowing that listening is a choice. I listen to people all the time knowing it’s my choice. You can’t make people stay and listen. You, dear reader, do not have to be here right now, but I do hope you’ll stay (:

For me, it comes down to knowing that I know enough. We’re all making things up as we go. If I seek guidance from others, why not share my own navigation techniques?

My journey may not be unique, but my personal experience and perspective certainly are, and that’s worth sharing.

My laptop has a feature called “Focus Sessions.” I set the total time I’ve committed to work, anywhere from 15 minutes to two hours. The program divides the time into “sessions” which are marked by peaceful alarms. It’s like working out in reps, but for writing.